Last Updated on December 17, 2023 by Marybeth
The last hurricane Florida saw in the month of November was in 1985. The one before that was in 1935. Safe to say a backyard wedding planned for November in Florida will be as stress-free as reordering your favorite soy candle on Amazon, right? It turned out to be one of the hardest things we’ve ever done, but so near perfect we’re actually still amazed at ourselves!
Though other people’s weddings aren’t nearly as interesting as your own, maybe some of our missteps and our successes can help others planning their own backyard celebration. In Florida. Right after a hurricane.
My daughter, Mae, and her husband Josh, had a vision for their wedding: intimate, simple yet elegant, tropical. Not a lot of people standing around looking at them (Mae) and not what “simple backyard wedding” might conjure up (Josh.) Fun fact I found out about Josh, who is quiet, super smart, funny, go-with-the-flow: he has a bougie side! When Mae told me that I was shocked and also amused. Gotta love a quiet guy who sets the bar higher than you’d imagine.
We looked at venues in our area before deciding to host it at their home. Everything from a beautiful riverfront park in Melbourne Beach which was right next to a big public playground: the potential for many people, strangers no less, standing around looking at them. To two exquisite waterfront estates where everything could happen, including multiple upscale lodging options for out-of-town guests on site. We also briefly considered the many venues in our area set up just for weddings. Stunning locations, all-inclusive and customizable, including all the wedding planning and everything you could imagine, for a price that didn’t fit within our modest budget. Newbie wedding planner me was actually shocked at the prices. Now, after planning Mae and Josh’s wedding, I get it! Pay someone else to make it all happen, certainly, if your budget allows.
The beauty of us doing our own wedding planning, and hosting the ceremony and reception in the backyard at the bride and groom’s home, was that a large part of the expenses could be channeled toward improving the backyard, the landscaping front and back, and painting the house. I’m almost as excited to show you those before-and-afters as I am to show you how amazing the wedding day itself turned out!
The giant pitfall of planning the wedding for the backyard was all the backbreaking work, done by Josh, Mae, me, my husband Robert, Josh’s parents Carol and Vince (the last four of us are no longer young!) and then Hurricane Nicole blasting her path, downing two big sections of fence, tearing limbs from trees and scattering branches, leaves, and dirt everywhere a day and a half before the big day. Also the loss of electricity. Also just the nightmare of it all as we watched the weather predictions, helpless.
The next morning – the day before the wedding – we all scrambled around cleaning up, adrenaline fueling our limbs making us more nimble than we’d ever imagined. And then the mosquito fogger pest guy showed up and forced us all indoors. Understandable, and necessary. We knew he was coming – he had to reschedule because of Nicole – but a delay no one was happy about. And then the crowning blow: our event rental company called and very regretfully said they could not bring us our tent or our dance floor, scheduled to arrive that afternoon. If you’ve ever planned an event where the dance floor will be the center of the fun, you’ll know how this felt. Not naming names, but a member of our wedding party wanted to cancel the whole thing.
Happy ending though! After a site visit, ascertaining there was no standing water, the event rental company owner was happy to bring our dance floor. The tent was still not allowed because of insurance regulations and safety issues due to potential high winds. We were fine with that. Of course, safety first! And to be honest, the tent had caused me innumerable middle of the night near panic attacks! Though I’d staged, measured, plotted, and drew a detailed diagram of the nine 2-person tables I’d planned to go under the tent, there was truly no way to make absolute sure they’d all fit until they arrived. Turns out we didn’t need the tent, and the reception area was most likely more beautiful – with the tables and chairs placed in an organic way that suited the terrain – than they would have corralled under a tent! And let me say here I am beyond grateful for the event rental company, and all the team members we worked with, who were patient with us, and kind, and so very helpful all the months leading up to the wedding and all my emails (thank you especially, Maddie, for putting up with me!) Chairs for Affairs Party Rentals. (Find our complete list of vendors below.)
Enough talking (for now.) Take a look at some of the photos! Taken by one of the best vendor decisions we made (talk about patient and kind!) Heather of Heather Marie Photographer. All photos by Heather unless otherwise noted.
From this:
To this!
We predicted that all the anxiety would get whisked away, just after the ceremony and after the White Claw was served!
Also this:
Leave it to me to get right to the drinking pics! There was so much beauty and emotion in between. The genuine love and light on Mae’s and Josh’s faces as they said their vows will forever live in my memory. Josh’s face was trembling, Mae was fighting back tears, and everyone cried.
But first:
What I would do differently:
Hindsight is a beautiful thing! Even with all the advice coming our way, and articles online, I made some stupid mistakes that I am still cringing over.
• Read the fine print
This is so obvious, so “Hello? You didn’t do that?” that I’m almost embarrassed to include it. Though I printed out all the contracts (so many happen online now and not in person) and kept them all together in a file folder, I didn’t really read that tiny print carefully. Nothing horrible happened (dumb luck on my part) but one thing I missed that could have been disastrous: our tent rental had poles and cables that needed extra room all around it. And while I did do a super detailed, measure-five-times first, then-draw-the-diagram plan on paper, I still wasn’t sure the tent would fit in the yard where it was planned to go. The event rental company graciously offered to come out and assess for me, but in the end, we decided my drawing was sufficient and there was plenty of room. But the fact that maybe there wouldn’t be enough room caused me so much anxiety. And turns out we didn’t have a tent, nor did we need it!
• Delegate delegate delegate
I am horrible about delegating. I’m so visually oriented and want things to look a certain way, I just want to do it all. I feel better after having read that Milton Glaser, a famous graphic designer, said this: “I move things around until they look right.” As a graphic designer myself, I am high-fiving him. Example: I almost asked someone else to create the wreaths to dress up the outdoor sheds. I wanted them to be tropical, I wanted them to have some of the same flowers that would be in the wedding florals. I wanted the wreaths to look contemporary. I realized if I asked someone else, I would be micromanaging the design, so I did them myself – and I’m so glad I did. In the midst of so much busyness surrounding the wedding prep and also just some hard stuff in our own lives and schedules, creating the wreaths was the perfect slow-down task. I took my time, outside under our covered patio, with my husband nearby doing his yardwork, woodwork, or whatever it was that day for him. The creation of the wreaths took a lot longer than I’d imagined, and required so much tweaking and fussing. But yay! I love them. Do what you love, delegate some of the other stuff.
• Be loud about what’s important
A not very nice (self-described) person once said to me, “You’re like, the nicest person in the world.” Which I took as a high compliment. But I tend to cringe around the periphery, not wanting to push, or stress anyone else. I keep quiet. And lie wide awake worrying at 3 a.m. My kids used to be so annoyed with me when I’d force everyone to arrive at the airport for a trip waaay ahead of time. “But you just never know what might happen!” I’d say. Getting there early, and getting tasks completed before it seems they really need to be done, creates a peace in the midst of things you don’t have control over. We’ve all heard that a million times. And I trot out the Nike slogan way more than anyone wants to hear. Some wedding prep tasks didn’t happen until the last minute because of unforeseen roadblocks. I got Covid a second time. Mae, Josh, and Ellis got Covid a couple of months later. Josh had to work 6 days a week, often. My husband took on a volunteer leadership position that became almost full time (unpaid!) I traveled to spend time with a beloved family member who was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer (so very grateful for that trip.) Mae’s dad had already planned a trip out of the country – and arrived home two days before the wedding, thankfully, despite the hurricane. (He was able to help with the wedding long distance.) We have a delightful, bright, curious, verbal, hilarious toddler in our family who is a number one priority. I had a milestone birthday that caused wedding prep to come to a screeching halt, of course! And then the hurricane! So, be vocal, make sure things that can get done get done even if they technically don’t need to be for another month or five. Just do it!
What we did right:
• We chose a food truck to cater the reception
So very cool and current, having a fun food truck parked in your front yard! Besides being unique, this freed up the kitchen inside for the florist, and for getting-ready snacks and drinks. Pricing for this type of catering came in under most others that would have been preparing food inside. The owners of Pucker Up Vegan Eatery were so accommodating, so easy to work with, and suggested a never-before made (by them) handmade ravioli dish that was outstanding. While the majority of the wedding party and guests are not vegan, everyone raved about their meals. Three options were available: Traditional Tacos with Jasmine Rice; Impossible Sliders with side salad; Herb Ricotta Ravioli with Brown Sugar Brussels sprouts and Garlic Bread. Pucker Up specializes in delicious homemade lemonade, and we decided on Hibiscus, Lavender, and Old Skool. These could be mixed with vodka if guests so chose.
• I kept many lists, in lots of places
This might sound disorganized – lists everywhere? – but it worked great for us. Lists on my phone notepad, color-coded just for the wedding. These I had access to at all times. Wedding timeline Word documents that I kept on my computer desktop as well as printed out for me and for Mae to hang, old-school, by a magnet on our fridges. This way we could put check marks, big and bold (so satisfying!) on tasks completed. There it was, that list, staring us in our faces every day, the things that still needed attention. To-Do Yesterday. To-Do This Week. To-Do This Month. To-Do the Week Before. To-Do the Day Before.
• Specific, not-annoying communication
Everyone is busy, we all have chaotic days. Maybe I’m patting myself on the back a little much here, but I feel I kept that in mind always, along with a sense of humor, as I made sure my emails to our vendors and team weren’t too many or too demanding. Another oops (should have put this in the above category) was I totally blanked out on sending a final payment for one of our vendors; I’m claiming Hurricane Brain! They were so very understanding. Everyone was on edge that week!
How we saved money:
• Doing the wedding planning ourselves
• Engineering all wedding ceremony and reception music in-house
Literally in-house, in Josh’s home music studio. As a musician, music producer, and audio engineer Josh expertly handled the plan and execution of all the beautiful, exceptional ceremony accompaniments as well as the great tunes for after that kept everyone on the dance floor.
• Ordering wedding finery online to receive discounts
I took a day trip to try on mother-of-the-bride dresses in person (the Mall at Millenia; so much fun, so many choices!) I took mirror selfies of all the dresses I liked, along with a pic of each brand name and price tag. I went home, and after studying these and deciding on the dress, I signed up for email notifications to get a 20% discount plus free shipping. Same waiting game and sign-up for the flower girl dress. Tea Collection is an adorable, quality clothing brand for kids but Ellis’s dress was originally $75! And she hates dresses! I kept an eye on it, it went on sale, and I signed up for notifications and got another 25% off!
• Deciding to forgo certain items that sounded good at first
Like a Welcome to our Wedding sign. With only 19 people total (including the wedding party) there was no need for a sign. Also, no need for an aisle runner. We did purchase freeze dried rose petals on Etsy (I didn’t even know there was such a thing!) and Ellis scattered some of those with the help of Uncle Max. But people weren’t really looking at the ground during the bride’s entry! Same for aisle flowers; we were advised, “You don’t need them” and we agreed. No wedding favors – who really expects those anymore? No need for a printed schedule of events, or a food menu. Everyone chose their meal ahead of time on the wedding website.
• Opting for the free wedding website from The Knot
• Planting, crafting, and building what we were able to
Mae, who has worked in plant nursery management and landscape design created a master plan, purchased, and installed all new landscaping in the front yard and back. Being outside communing with nature – earthing! – sounds meditative, doesn’t it? In the Florida sunshine it was often just brutal. Josh’s dad made the beautiful, sturdy bar table, and the arch was built by Josh. Josh’s mom created a gorgeous mantel display for the living room that said “A wedding is happening here!” Though most of the fun was out back, we did have a wine bar and snacks inside, so we needed some wedding flourishes.
Small/giant moments where my pride had pride:
• Maggie and Max quietly stepping up to help in any way they could the hours – and minutes – before the wedding. As mentioned above, delegating is not my best talent. I was struggling to hold myself together as so many people milled around in the house, the excitement ramping up as Ellis took her non-negotiable nap. We knew this would be the case, all these people in the house; the florist, the photographer, the wedding party, the wedding party’s partners – we couldn’t exactly make them go outside and sit for two hours before the wedding happened. One of us would try to shush the laughter, and that would last about a minute and a half. Someone actually said, full voice, “That baby just needs to wake up!” As I was able to finally lock myself in a bedroom to put on my dress, my first moment alone, the door opened (had I not locked it?) and I truly did not care that I was seen clutching my dress to my chest: I just needed to be by myself. All of that to say, Maggie and Max glided around making things happen, setting out the snacks, figuring out the ice for the beverage tub, helping place the bud vases and the pre-shaped and -wrapped-with-fake-eucalyptus-vines (by me! To-Do List, the Month-of) napkins and cutlery on the reception tables. As I think about all the people who helped make this amazing day a beautiful reality, with tears brimming in my eyes right now, I owe a mammoth thank you to Maggie and Max.
• Mae standing in the getting-ready room, alone for the first time (in years?), as nervous as she’s probably ever been. But also so brave. Everyone else had to either go sit down or get ready to walk down the aisle. She and I had been side-by-side for all these months, creating this day together, but now I had to give her one last hug – this beautiful vision of the perfect bride – and leave her by herself. Maybe this sounds overly emotional. But it was huge for me. I am so proud of my daughter.
• Max carrying Ellis down the aisle and helping her scatter the rose petals. We all knew that if we had asked Ellis to be the flower girl, the answer would be an emphatic “NO!” Some men may not have wanted this role. We never doubted that Max would take it on easily and happily.
• Max, taking crying Ellis out of my arms after I had taken off her wedding dress (that she so hated at first) and put on her comfies to travel to my house for the night as it was getting late, quietly helping her back into her wedding dress to go outside and dance some more.
• Josh’s mom giving the best, heartfelt and beautifully said, toast to the newlyweds. Some people can just stand there and speak comfortably to a crowd, as if they’re sitting on their couch and turning to a friend to comment on something funny that happened that day. Mae’s bridesmaid Sarah also gave a toast, spontaneously. Planned out or impromptu, as much as I had wanted to, I could never have done either.
WEDDING TEAM
CATERING Pucker Up Vegan Eatery
PHOTOGRAPHER Heather Marie Photographer
OFFICIANT I Do Weddings Plus Events
EVENT RENTALS Chairs for Affairs FL
FLORIST Suntree Florist and Gifts
WEDDING CAKE Valhalla Bakery
BRIDAL PARTY HAIR Andrea Poston, Infinite Beauty Salon
BRIDAL PARTY MAKEUP Jeremy Ryder, Infinite Beauty Salon
Wedding photos! How do you choose your favorites, how do you cull and curate what to show? You’ll be surprised: I have spent weeks honing (agonizing) and despite the plethora you’re seeing here, there are many more (let me know if you want more!) Some favorites, and some more before-and-afters:
What a perfect day, despite the hurricane, and because of all the people who came together to make it happen. So many surrounded us with understanding and support I truly have to say that I was not the wedding planner.
